Her name is Mapp. Double P. It's actually an Ainu word meaning "to Love" and it's also the same name as the place where my land is. She's the first dog I ever took care of personally and I am very happy I chose her(or maybe she chose me?). She's an Ainu dog, a breed that has been with the indigenous people of Hokkaido for a very long time and has good hunting instincts, resistance to frigid temperatures, disease, and venomous animals.
Even though she's a dog, I learned many things from her about partnership and building a relationship. I can summarize what I learned in three points.
A relationship is something you choose and commit on
When I chose her, it's not just simply because she was cute or sturdy, but I chose her as my long-time partner and this goes beyond simply sticking together in good times but also wading it out through difficult times. Both of us have to adjust to each other and accept each other's rhythms and find the middle way. Maybe that is why the Buddha has taught us the middle way. Do not be too passionate, and do not be too lazy. Do not be too attached, and do not be too detached. A commitment is only possible when you do not strain too much on holding on but also do not let go. You simply have to have a strong foundation and trust and a deep knowing that what can happen will happen and what should happen, will. But, it is also important to know that your effort and will can also have an effect to the relationship. Your commitment together is the wheel and both of you are on the wheel. Sometimes, you are above, sometimes you are below, but as you go up and down, you move forward. Once you have committed to each other, make sure that this commitment is based on faith, grounded on your divine aspirations, and guided by both families. If this is not the case, then better think again about pursuing your commitment.
The initial spark you both had is just an infinitesimal part of True Love
Do not misunderstand the spark you had with someone is the sign of True Love. Yes, you may be attracted to each other but attraction is just the icing on the cake. There are many layers that you have not seen, many layers yet unknown and this will crush your expectations of that person. The question is, are you open, understanding, and calm enough to face these. True Love, according to Buddha (from Thich Nhat Hanh's explanation) has four elements- loving kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity or inclusiveness. Loving kindness is the capacity to make the other person happy. Compassion is the capacity to not only feel his or her suffering but also relieve the other person's suffering. Joy is the capacity to make the other person experience joy. Inclusiveness is the all-embracing aspect of love. This includes loving the negatives and helping him or her improve, loving not only him or her but also the people around you, loving all the moments even if it's unpleasant. Practicing all these elements of True love needs patience and effort and that's what brings grace in cultivating this Love. It's not just a shallow attraction, this Love undergoes the pleasantness of summer and the cold of winter with the purpose of shooting upward, deepening inward, and sharing it's fruit with everyone.
Leave it all to God
I seldom speak of God because usually when one speaks of God, an image is instantly thought up of in the human mind. When I speak of God, I mean the Creator, the Natural Laws, the Universe's Workings. Leave it all to the God. You do what you have to do, do what you can but first and foremost, have a strong foundation of faith and trust to the Greater Source. There is nothing demeaning in accepting the fact that you surrender everything to God. Yes, we are in a way Creators as well but the Natures's Laws are based on one Divine Working that makes everything perform in one perfect harmony. Even Love is something that works in the dimension of Nature. Love attracts, it springs up within us, grows, and when left without care, withers.
When you leave everything to God, you are not being lazy and unmindful, in fact, it is opposite. You are removing your ego, your expectations, your pride, and you are now courageous to step up and trust the path in front of you. You become more mindful of your steps because you always ask the question "Is this the Will of God?". You are now not moved by simple emotional outbursts of infatuation, loneliness, and longing. You are guided by the stronger force that leads you away from these superficial emotions that often lead to misguided decisions. You continue to build yourself, make yourself more worthy of the perfectness of Creations, and make yourself the best of who you are so that when God presents you with your partner, you are ready to ride the wheel of Life with that person. The Creations are perfect but among these, one stands above the rest and that is your partner, so is it not rational that he or she be worthy of a person worthy of being called a Creator?
So, leave it all to God. No more pride, no more expectations, no more unnecessary dramas, no more tension.
This partnership has taught me a lot and I'm sure more learnings will arise as we proceed on with life.
