19 Oct 2017

Do we really have to make an impact or make a difference?

It's been a while since my last post. The homestead has been quite busy lately with construction and farm works. As what my farmer friends commonly say "there's always something to do everyday," and there actually is something that needs to be done each and every day. For tonight, unlike other nights when I just go to bed early, I was moved to write on an issue that has been instilled on the minds and hearts of our generation, and that is "making a difference".

About nine years ago, I was able to go to one of the most prestigious college in the Philippines, the University of the Philippines Los BaƱos. This school is known in the Philippines as one of the top schools to go to when one wishes to learn Agriculture Sciences. I remember the Dean telling us that we are the "cream of the crop," that we were among the best of the best. That time I did not believe a word he said, and until now, honestly, I still do not. We were told that we will make a great impact on our nation, that the University has produced hundreds, maybe even thousands of scientists that helped push Philippines to greater heights. Many of the students, especially the competitive ones, were all fired up and inspired. I wasn't. Even at that time, I knew that there was something wrong.

I would like to point out that making a difference to the community or nation is not entirely a bad thing, when done in the proper order. What I found lacking when I was in the University is that there is no building of the being, the individual, the core values, and the rooting. Without rooting of oneself to a solid ground, when we try to impact the society first hand, it will be susceptible to fail due to our egos muddying our perspective. What I found mostly common in our generation is that we choose to shout out our movements, focus on publication materials, taking the perfect shots, and we try our best to portray ourselves as someone who we are not. Maybe in the beginning we had virtuous ideals, but along the way, we get strayed from where we truly want to go to because we are not rooted properly. 

I questioned the statement that we should do something to impact our society. Currently, I know that actions and efforts done humbly, quietly, and slowly, are the true steps to improving the society. Prior to that, we must first make an impact on our own selves. You want to make a difference to the society? Well, do something to change your own self first. If I can't discipline my own self, how can I even dare to imagine changing the society? If I can't choose the right thing, when no one is around, how can I sincerely do the right thing for everyone? Recently, I am humbled by my actions here in this small piece of land in the mountains. Last year, I felt that my steps are too small, too silent for anyone to hear. I almost lost my will to push through, but I did try to push trhough. I moved forward slowly, with the guidance of my family and friends. Slowly, amazing, good people came to this town. I didn't make any loud statements, they simply arrived, and when they did arrive, I was very happy, and helped them with all I could, no matter how small. I trust that this was the result of all of our small efforts to improve our own selves. So, I threw away the idea of changing the society or the world. I focused on my own self, on my own land. This does not mean that I do not care for others or ignore their needs, it simply means that I am rooting myself properly so that when the time comes that they need help, I can help them sincerely and know that my intentions are not shrouded by my ego. I will know that I need not shout out my achievements or the things I did to help them. I can share some ideas for educational purposes but not to improve my self-esteem. I do not need to boost my self-esteem any longer because I know where my ground lies. 

Forcing oneself to make a difference or an impact to the society, or comparing oneself to others who are making an impact, is one of the sources of unhappiness that may lead to depression. When I was in the University, we were told to offer ourselves to the nation and make a difference. But I strongly believe that prior to serving others, we should learn first how to overcome our demons, our egos, and be sincerely grateful for the experience of living. We should learn first how to appreciate what is directly in our grasp, and that is our own self. Appreciation means taking care of our own health, giving time for us to contemplate on nature, forgiving our mistakes, choosing the right choice,  and understanding our own self.

Here on this land, nature may seem harsh. It's inconvenient, the winter is cold, not many people visit, most of the time I am silent, there are far too many insects, wild animals appear, and countless more challenges but what I do appreciate is that I have time for myself. I have time to reflect on  my past actions, time to appreciate the warmth of the sun during winter and the cool breeze during summer, time to know when bad thoughts arise, time to know how to handle them, and time to learn how to truly live. Yes, maybe someday I can do some sort of impact to the society but  I am sure of one thing- I have added one more person to this world who is changing himself for the better, and that is the biggest impact that I can currently do, and all of us can do it! Imagine that, all of us, changing our own self to be better humans, more loving, understanding, forgiving, humble, happy, and content. We will not need to make conscious effort to impact the society because each individual is rooted properly to Love.